The end is coming upon me. I have finished 3 of my 5 final papers and am departing tomorrow for a weekend safari. And then next week is my last week in Mukono with my family. After that we get 4 days of debrief in Entebbe, and then it is Hasta La Vista! I will board a plane for Amsterdam, and then a place for D.C., and then a plane for San Francisco, and then a plane for Seattle. All in all it will take about 2.5 days to reach home again.
I am excited to shower and let a machine wash my clothes for me. I am glad to be seeing my family. I am glad to get to wear pants again. I am glad to be in cold weather and not sweat 24/7. I am glad to eat American food, and drive on the right side of the road (yep, Ugandan’s drive on the left), and listen to music and sing along to it while I drive. I am so glad for soy milk!
But I am sad, so very sad. Sad to leave the routines of life here. Sad to leave my close friends. Sad to not bathe under the stars anymore. Sad to be cold and wet all the time in Seattle. And nervous! Nervous to see my family and try and relate normally to them, to be in that routine again. Nervous that I might forget which side of the road to drive on! And what my life will look like. It’s not like I want to always bath in a bucket or pee in a squatty-potty (though it is way more comfortable)… but what do you do when you have experienced something so unique and different from everyone around you? Inside jokes are bound to come up, but you are the only one inside of them. Or phrases that bring up a story only your friends would understand… who do you tell it to?
I have grown. I feel older, not in a bad way. But like some of my immaturities have been stripped away, leaving more of the woman I am behind. The pot I am being formed into is deeper, more detailed, and able to hold more of what it was intended to hold. The witnesses to this growth are all around my right now, but in just a little while they will be gone. Sadness comes up with that thought. How do you explain to people what has changed over the last semester; what rough edges have been filed, and what new details have been uncovered? Explaining it almost makes it less than it is.
I am not looking forward to answering the bagillion question I will be asked by people who barely know me. I have already started rehearsing the answers… not to say I don’t want people to ask about it, because I do. I just don’t want to give half-ass answers to please the person. If you want to know what happened, I will tell you. But if you just want a 2-minute summary of the experience, then you probably won’t get one. Too much has happened for 2 minutes of words… it might take a lifetime to actually say everything that occurred within and without of me. As of yet I am not even sure what all of it is, words are not yet formed and the stories are not yet complete in my heart.
I am sorry if I am coming across as cynical or depressed, because that isn’t what I am meaning to communicate… except by saying that there probably is a part of me that does feel that way. But mostly I am just processing through my wealth of emotions (God has created me a beautifully emotional woman… sometimes I don’t like that), hoping that in some way it will ease the pressure they are putting on my heart.
Well, I am off to see wild animals. How freakin’ cool is that? Pictures will be posted next week sometime, though I have two more papers to write when I get back.
Love to all,
Joy
joy, this has been such a rad adventure and i'm glad to have been "along with you" through your blog. i will be praying for your readjustment, your culture shock, and your last few days there. joy, i pray that you will have the words and that you will communicate with your actions what you cannot say. if i was home, i would want to hear every word, but for now i'll have to be appeased by the internet, and next year, we will have a lot of catching up to do. i'm so excited for your future, joy! thanks for being an amazing example for others!! love you!!!
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